Saturday, March 2, 2019
One year after the Boy blew down and broke his crown (the chill of that numbing disaster), he has been replaced with an even less aerodynamic likeness. Last we saw of him, the Boy had a crooked hand and he wore a crooked smile. We questioned the cooks and wait staff about the broken child. They have been sworn to secrecy. But Burger King's sources (some of them men) said "they" couldn't put the plump laddie together again. So we interviewed some local patrons for any information regarding Big Boy's retirement and his underwhelming replacement. One such patron, going only by the name Mary, said, "I'll never eat there again!" (she was quite contrary). Pat A. Kake, of the local bakery, suggested they just replace the Boy with a large 'B'. But the most chilling of all was an inscription found on the bottom of a Big Boy coffee mug. Ashley Puckit reported finding this, believing the partly worn message was somehow meant for her. But there is one line of the Crayola composition that remains unbroken, a bad omen for our Biggest Boy:
"We all fall down"